In Case They're Watching

The Social Etiquette of Mourning

The etiquette surrounding a funeral and mourning in general, was dictated by the standards of Queen Victoria; and all magazines, almanacs and periodicals, devoted articles to the proper etiquette for the bereaved.  However, there were many conflicting reports, often creating mass hysteria, and prompting letters to the editor, until a concensus was reached.  Besides the stringent guidelines for widows, there were also codes of conduct for other family members, who were expected to outwardly display their inner grief.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins all had peculiar roles, and specific instructions on what to wear and how long to mourn.  If the deceased was the member of a club or organization, than all of the other members of that club or organaization were expected to wear black armbands for a certain length of time, depending on the deceased status within the group.

In rural Canada, most of the strict customs were not ascribed to, and instead those in mounring took their direction from what was proper within their community.  For instance,  if a woman was left alone on a farm,  with a large family, it was quite proper for her to mourn for only a short time, before remarrying.  Some women had family members who could help support her and her family, so she would  turn to them for direction.

It was less likely that anyone would critique your clothing, so long as it was drab and austere.   For a gentleman wishing to court a widow, he too must honour the traditions of the community, and not make his move until the proper length of mourning was completed.

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